1. |
Paranoia
03:22
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When the voices finally subside
I find the emptiness more concerning than the noise
When there's no input
I can fill in the blanks in my head and
I can't be left with that for long
Hearing things again
Every voice is pointed at my head
I can't live like this
What can I do
Should I accept this is me
Expect the door to open
Anticipating violence
Afraid of every corner that could hide somebody from me
I'm gritting my teeth
I'm clenching my fist
I'm praying for a future where I can relax
Until then I refine my shell
Carving out a space that can fit my new form
Out grown
Built it for a child that is
Far too old now to use it
But was too afraid to shed
Hearing things again
Every voice is pointed at my head
I can't live like this
What can I do
Should I accept this is me
Tired, anxious, paranoid
Fully aware that the threat is in my head
It doesn't make it hurt me any less
It doesn't make it linger any less
Stuck
All around me impulses to ignore
Is it permanent
I don't know but it seems that way
[Won't go away]
Hearing things again
[Mental assault]
Every voice is pointed at my head
[Rebuild the shell]
I can't live like this
What do I do
Should I accept this is me
Turning on the lights again
The shapes all fade away
The shadows disappear
Walking on eggshells all day
The light inside me fades
I'm losing years of my life
I'm losing years of my life
I'm wasting days at a time
Tunnel vision losing sight again
Can't hear a word you just said
Feel like I'm a machine
I fade to nothing
I leave nothing behind
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2. |
Time and Loss
03:25
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Stay
All caves away
Horizon blurs I call out to
Stay
The vision clears
Just like that shot back to the present
Day
The moment gone
Years slipping out of my hands into the dirt
Abandoning
Me
All relics I once thought meant something
All the years I spent collecting nothing
All the time spent consuming what I thought made me
Fuck
Don't tell me it was all for nothing
Twenty years went missing in action
Can't rebuild it now
Where did it all go
Knee
Deep in the mud
Life washes by but I'm anchored in place
I
Pull
With all of my might
Everyone moves til I'm well out of sight
I
Float away from me
This shore breeds atrophy so
Float away from me
Everything I touch goes in time
Float away from me
Nothing to hold on to
Float away from me
Another time
Fuck
All relics I once thought meant something
All the years I spent collecting nothing
All the time spent consuming what I thought made me
Fuck
Don't tell me it was all for nothing
Twenty years went missing in action
Can't rebuild it now
Where did it all go
Knee
Deep in the mud
Life washes by but I'm anchored in place
I
Pull
With all of my might
Everyone moves on til I'm well out of sight
I
I
Cant fight the current
Why doesn't it want me
My blood boils at the
Thought of riding the wave
To a new place where I still know myself
Back to the time where I still had myself
I can't remember the last time I felt
Like I had a grasp on my own way out
Knee
Deep in the mud
Life washes by but I'm anchored in place
I
Pull
With all of my might
Everyone moves on til I'm out of sight
My
Chin
Just above sea
Life swirls around and I'm gonna drown quick
So
Pull
Save me from this
Nobody hears me as I sank too deep
Gone
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3. |
Under
04:14
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Tear me from the bone
I'd rather that than to be a burden or
Take up my own space
I wont impose, wont stand up, wont make eye contact
with anyone anyway
Walk all over me that's what I'm used to anyway
Shrink to fit your form
Stay in line, stay in line, stay
Spine torn from its mount
Not taking any chances
Simply bow to the loudest bark
Pride tucked neatly between my knees
Tough it out
Tough it out
Rip me limb from limb
I would just do it myself but I'm embarrassed
To be craving it
At least then, it's not my fault when I fall
Sabotage my ambitions
I know myself too well
And how to press the fucking
Self destruct engage
Label worn, the switch overused
I'd rather swallow bullshit than just make myself be heard
Is it self defense
It doesn't feel like it
When the time arises for me to just show my teeth
I falter without fail
Bare your teeth
Bare your teeth
Bare your teeth
Struggle
Steal my life from me
At least give me the chance to refuse it
Show that I can care
Prove I still hold myself to be
Worthy of the air
That escapes from my lungs holding nothing
But the sound of rot
Groveling, concession, fear and doubt
I don't see a
Light at the end
All I see is artificial
Trying to be
Something pure
I don't see a
Light at the end
All I see is artificial
Trying to be
Something pure
When I look up
At the night sky
I don't see a constellation
I just see death
Staring back
Tear me from the bone
Rip me limb from limb
Steal my life from me
Make it quick make the choice not be mine
Tear me from the bone
Rip me limb from limb
Steal my life from me
I'm not worth it
I'm not worth it
I'm not worth it
I'm not worth it
It's not worth it
It's not worth it
It isn't worth the constant headache
It isn't worth the cost of healing
Seal up the walls I think we fixed it but
A leak springs up
I guess it never goes away
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4. |
Tunnel Vision
03:53
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Blank
Stare
All I can
Fake
Grin
All of my will going to
Hear
To see something
To comprehend my surroundings
My mind's eye takes over
Vision atrophied
Scar tissue replacing unpleasant images so I don't have to
Look it in the eye
Take it to the face
What is lost cannot be
Worse than moving forward
How
Can I
Heal without marks
Scrub clean my window out into the world
How
How
Open the wounds
Maybe sliced cleanly they
Will close
Better
Mind wipe
Can't hear a word you say
Walls cave
Feel my chest tighten
Don't speak
I'm a thousand fucking miles from you and I
Cant see
Land on any side
Blinded
By everything I've tried to hide
I stand and I fall and I just hope that I've moved an inch
Fuck
Look around I feel the same
I turn and wonder was it worth the
Try
Close my eyes
Close my eyes
Shut out the horror again
My
Skin's too loose
Falling out
No anchor to the real world
Feet
Driven to march
To early demise
No stops
Mind wipe
Can't hear a word you say
Walls cave
Feel my chest tighten
Don't speak
I'm a thousand fucking miles from you and I
Cant see
Land on any side
Blinded
By everything I've tried to hide
I stand and I fall and I just hope that I've moved an inch
Fuck
Look around I feel the same
I turn and wonder was it worth the
Try
I can't remember a thing you just said
I can't decipher the words in my head
I can't remember a thing you just said
I can't do anything
I can't do shit
Dead
On arrival
Thoughts through my head
Deaf
To the world around me
abstract's too loud
Dead
On arrival
Thoughts through my head
Blind
To the sunshine
Dark too profound
I can't remember yesterday can you
I can't remember yesterday can you
I can't remember yesterday can you
I can't I can't I can't I
Close my eyes
Close my eyes
Close
My
Eyes
Mind wipe
Can't hear a word you say
Walls cave
Feel my chest tighten
Don't speak
I'm a thousand fucking miles from you and I
Can't see
Land on any side
Blinded
By everything I've tried to hide
I stand and I fall and I just hope that I've moved an inch
Fuck
Look around I feel the same
I turn and wonder was it worth the
Try
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5. |
Overtake
04:13
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I can't remember my face
No matter how hard I look
I can't remember the shape
Form fades in the reflection
What is my
Goal in all of this
Got no direction and the concept
Gets me pissed
Addicted to square one I fear
Absorbed in paths I see but can't all take
I cant take a step up
For fear of slipping back
But at least in the end I'd fucking move
Vanish
I feel it's approaching
Vanish
The call of retreat
Vanish
Escape from everything I'll just
Vanish
But there'd still be me
Find
Freedom
Within
The walls
I'll stay here
I'll find a way
Overtake the poison in my brain one day
Claw at the walls
Escape the cage
Realize the
Border is within my reach
Easier said than done
Easier just to run
I'm tired of this shit and I'm tired of trying to shoulder
I'm running into the ground
I'm running into a brick wall
Vanish
Please
Vanish
Can nobody hear me
Vanish
Me
Vanish
Vanish
Find
Freedom
Within
The walls
I'll stay here
I'll find a way
Overtake the poison in my brain one day
Claw at the walls
Escape the cage
Realize the
Border is within my reach
I can't fix it by myself
I'm just one man
I can't change it on my own
I'm too far gone
I tear myself apart
Each time that I'm alone
How can I repair it
Too busy breaking shit down
Stop complaining
Pick myself up
Pick up the decade old pieces
That I refuse to see
Fuck
A shard of glass through my palm
A buried time seeing light
This
Box
Stays
Shut
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6. |
Curtain
02:54
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Speak your mind
Speak your mind
Just one motherfucking time
I'm so fucking tired of constant hinting
Speak your mind
Speak your mind
Just one motherfucking time
It isn't that hard just to come clean
Spill it
Spill it
I swear I'm gonna lose it
All the skirting and the beating round the bush is killing me
Spill it
Spill it
I swear I'm gonna lose it
tired of the circles that you try to run on me so
Spill it
Spill it
Speaking in tongues
The games you play
The only answer
Return to dust
Red alert red alert
Stay the fuck away from me
Speak your mind
Speak your mind
Just one motherfucking time
I'm so fucking tired of constant hinting
Speak your mind
Speak your mind
Just one motherfucking time
It isn't that hard just to come clean
Spill it
Spill it
I swear I'm gonna lose it
All the skirting and the beating round the bush is killing me
Spill it
Spill it
I swear I'm gonna lose it
tired of the circles that you try to run on me so
Everybody saying so much but how much means anything
Everybody feeling better like the work is done
Everybody has a point a plan a such and such and
Everybody feeling sorry like they really care
But when you look at them and hear their words the dissonance appears
A kind of grinding between all the plans they're making and who it is helping and you really have to ask like what the fuck
Are they helping are they helping are they helping are they helping are-
Red alert red alert
Stay the fuck away from me
Speak your mind
Speak your mind
Just one motherfucking time
I'm so fucking tired of constant hinting
Speak your mind
Speak your mind
Just one motherfucking time
It isn't that hard just to come clean
Spill it
Spill it
I swear I'm gonna lose it
All the skirting and the beating round the bush is killing me
Spill it
Spill it
I swear I'm gonna lose it
tired of the circles that you try to run on me so
Speak
Your
Mind
Speak it clear I don't want to decipher
Fuck it
I wont play the fucking mind game
Pull shut the curtains, distrust the world around me
Fuck it
I'll just not let anyone in
Let my bridges fade away in time
Too scared to mend them
Fuck
Too frightened of my fellow man
Too frightened of myself
Shrinking in a box again
I wont let nobody in
Shrinking in a box again
I wont let nobody in
Nobody
No
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7. |
Repercussion
04:20
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What could I even say about
What good would it do to try
What do I say when I'm gone
What do I say when I walked away
What do I
Say after the fall
When I turned my tail and
I ran back to safety
I knew I was the only one
The only one who could escape
But what was I meant to do
What was I meant to
I left
Not looking back until everyone else had found footing on their own
Now
Only years later I'm
Learning so much
Learning how dark things would
Get
I can't pretend
It wasn't best for me
To wash my hands for the time
But all the same
The guilt chokes all the life from me
Thoughts of what could be and
What would be avoided if I could
Just sit with myself
I
Struggle with the thought
(The) thought that the only way out was to just hit eject
I
Can't trust the outcome when I was the only
I was the only one
Why
Did it end up like this
I
Didn't want to go like this
I
Don't know what to do from here
I'll just keep moving and I'll just keep pace until
I
Can't
Everyone saying how they fucking get it
All while telling me how fast it changed
How can I trust that there is no resentment
How can I believe it's all
Water
Under the bridge now
When I
Learned how
Hard it
Was on you
I wished I would have stayed but
We all
Know that
Wouldn't
Fix anything
It still tears into me
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8. |
Dwell Gauge
03:56
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Talked out of order
And order is king
If it's not violent
You won't learn anything
If it's not violent you wont learn a thing
And if it happens again it's my sin
Talked out of order
And order is king
If it's not violent
You won't learn anything
If it's not violent you wont learn a thing
And if it happens again it's my sin
I fucked it up again
I fucked it up again
Hear the footsteps coming to my end
Opening doors again
Blink and then open it's
All in my head again
All in my head again
There's nothing there but it's
All coming for my head
All coming for my head
I'm
Conditioned to run
Avoidant of conflict to fault
I can't go on feeling this
Fear to my core
It's been with me my whole damn life
Visceral horror unfolds
In the corners
Of my vacant mind
I pray and I hope but it wont go away
Taking my nails
Taking my teeth
Biting my cheeks just to feel home
I fucked it up again
I fucked it up again
Hear the footsteps coming to my end
Opening doors again
Blink and then open it's
All in my head again
All in my head again
There's nothing there but it's
All coming for my head
All coming for my head
Violence on my mind
Violence trapped inside
Visions of punishment for my sin
I can't let them in
Shadow hand to dispense pain at need
I can't see your face
Lift the veil and let me gaze upon
Features softer than
I remember them
Why
Can't
I
Focus
Why
Shouldn't I take
Advantage of
How I cant remember it
Why don't I
Leave it
Alone
Not dwell
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Negative Wingspan Brooklyn, New York
there is no difference in the plan of clouds.
ANTI-FASCIST.
demos/contact:
negativewingspan@gmail.com
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